Why am I not surprised
by princegeorge
Summary: Minerva finds herself in an awkward position. She gets help, but from whom? Story title might give a clue...I don't... :-)
1. Chapter 1

**Why am I not surprised.**

**A/N just a funny nothing to help me cheer up between writing tears and grief..:-) I hope you like it. **

It was one of those nights. Ever since she mastered the art of turning herself into a cat, she had experienced it every once in a while. She needed to run. She wanted to hunt. She wanted to chase mice, catch them and play with them in the cruel way all cats do. She wanted to roam the corridors and fight intruders. She wanted to feel free. Free from having to be stern and sensible, prim and proper, decent and dignified. She had expected the urge to dwindle down with age, but the opposite was true. Every year the itch became stronger. Her hair greyed and her knees cracked alarmingly at times, she wasn't as flexible in her joints as she used to be, but her feline body wasn't hindered by impediments caused by age. She had wondered about what they said about cats having nine lives.

And tonight was one of those nights. It had been a week beyond nightmarish; students failing in her classes, failing spectacularly in Potions class, which had made even sweet, patient Poppy rant about their stupidity, meetings even more dull as usual and the Weasley twins in full force. Although she had to admit to herself assisting Dolores Umbridge in clearing her classroom of two hundred white and blue canaries, all whistling _Scotland the Brave_ at full force, had been fun. She suspected the twins to have invented this especially for her.

But Minerva McGonagall, the stern Deputy Head Mistress, first checked the staff schedule before indulging herself. Very well. It was a late Friday evening, Pomona and Filius were scheduled in for emergencies, students were supposed to be in bed. She smiled happily.

Minutes later a small tabby cat hunted Hogwarts less visited cellars and dungeons. The castle housed many cats, to control the mice and rats that were always eager to visit old buildings, so one more never had drawn attention. She knew to avoid any places and corridors were she might collide with staff or, Merlin forbid, wayward students and she set out to have fun.

The tabby ran and ran, stairs up and down, chased mice, caught them and released them afterwards, she knew from experience eating them didn't go well with her human form. The fur and little feet proved to be hard to digest.

Crookshanks made an appearance like she knew he would, he always seemed to know when she was running free. Like her, he wasn't supposed to behave in any cattish way and enjoyed it immensely when he had the chance. He threw her a toy; one of Miss Granger's hairclips. She ran after it, catching it just before it hit the wall, and managed to throw it back at him. He jumped the clip with all paws, threw it in the air and then bounced it back. They ran around and played as cats for a good quarter of an hour, then the tabby rolled on her back and stretched.

_Tired?_

_No, just like to stretch._

_It was fun, Minerva. _

_It was, thank you._

He took his time stretching himself and walked away. Miss Granger's hairclip was left in a corner. The tabby yawned for new energy and set out to the dungeons. She happily ran up and down the stairs near the potions classroom when she heard a hiss that made her freeze in her steps.

Mrs Norris, no doubt.

She and Crookshanks were the only ones who knew her other form, and while Crookshanks was a jolly companion, Mrs Norris was just a menace. Pestering her whenever she appeared as tabby, and being foul and scratching her in her human form.

_There you are puss pussy._

_Go away._

_Ha! You have to make me._

She should know better, really, she should, but she ran and attacked the other cat, who just jumped aside and a slippery goo on the floor made her collide with the wall.

_Ha ha Minerva!_

Mrs Norris hissed and walked away.

The tabby had hurt her shoulder and elbow. She scrambled to her paws and slipped away in the goo. She bent down to wash her paws and licked the slippery stuff away. Right, now she was able to stand. She ran back to her rooms….

Only to discover she was unable to change back in her human form.

The usual spells didn't work. The spells for extraordinary circumstances didn't work. Finite Incantatum didn't work.

**TBC….. if you wish? Let me know, love george**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks for your kind reviews! **

-o-o-o-o-

Wandless magic didn't work, and her wand was on her desk. She sat in the corridor at her quarter's door and tried the password. 'Lion cubs!' she shouted, 'Meoww!' was what came out. 'Alohomora!' she screamed, knowing fully well the doors to her rooms didn't answer such a silly spell… a very demanding 'meeooow!' sounded in the long corridor and the doors remained locked.

Now what? As all cats do when they do not know what to do, Minerva sat down and began to wash herself. Licking her paw she began to rub her face, wiping dust and dirt from her ears. She wiped her paw along her ears and started to clean her nails, when suddenly her human mind piped up.

_This is not right_, the human mind told her.

_But I love it _…the feline body protested.

_You need help. Go find help._

That was the voice of reason and no matter how much cat-Minerva balked, her human side told her they were right. So she rolled onto her back, stretched her body, spread out her legs and yawned as wide as possible, before scrambling to her feet and heading for the dungeons.

She knew Severus was the one to help her. She had slipped in some goo and then suddenly was unable to change back. The slippery stuff had to be the reason, she couldn't think of anything else. But why? Mrs Norris had been there, she never liked that one, but…could it be about Crookshanks? Jealousy? Good heavens, no. Knowing how much Severus hated to be presented with incomplete information, she went back to the corridor near the classroom and scooped some of the stuff in her paw. Then, on three legs, she walked to the Potions Master's rooms, thinking again how inconvenient it was that cats could not talk. She did have a voice though, and she just had to make the best of it. So she sat down in front of the door and began to scream at the top of her lungs. She had never done that before and immediately cat-Minerva noticed how lovely and relaxing it was to have a good scream!

_How much noise can one cat produce? Let's try! _

Quite a lot of noise, she discovered. The screaming and screeching echoed through the short hall, and she enjoyed herself so much she almost forgot why actually she was doing this.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

In his quarters, Severus Snape sat in his wingchair near the fireplace, nursing a much needed Friday evening cup of coffee with a dash of whisky and cream, while reading. He was immersed in his new book; a Muggle detective, a preference he'd always carefully hidden from his colleagues, even though he knew about Minerva's Jane Austen collection, disguised as ancient spell books. But the noise from the hall eventually had to reach his ears and break his concentration. What in Merlin's name was going on there…it sounded like a cat fight! That was something unusual. The Hogwarts cat population never came near his quarters or his classroom, nor did any mice by that matter, afraid as they were to end up as potion ingredients. He waited for the wayward animals to leave, but instead the noise became unbearable. Utterly irritated he threw his Connely aside, stomped to the door and yanked it open, ready to roar at the culprits. Instead he faced an empty and silent corridor, while Minerva quickly slipped inside, unseen by him.

'What the…' he growled, closed the door again and made a mental note to see Filch about this. That wretched beast of his should- he turned and was stopped in his thoughts by the sight of a cat sitting on his carpet, one paw in the air and a familiar stern look on her face.

'Minerva, is that you?' he asked.

'Meow!' she answered. Never knew a cat could sound so irritated, he thought amused.

'What happened?'

She only stared at him.

'Of course, I'm sorry. Am I right in assuming you can't change back?'

She nodded and held up her paw.

'Do you think this caused it? …..all right, come over to my laboratory.'

She followed him on three legs and noticing that, he bend down and scooped her up in his arm. 'We'll go faster like this. Don't shed on my robes.'

She scowled but had to admit it on three legs, it was difficult to keep up with his long strides.

Through his classroom door and three other doors, all charmed and protected with locking spells, they reached his private laboratory, where he put her on his desk.

'Don't glare at me Minerva,' he said amused. 'I would have said it's a relieve to have you not talking back for a change, had I not heard the terrifying sounds you're able to produce in this shape.' She narrowed her eyes and he took a spatula to scrape the goo from her paw.

'I'm sorry if I offended you,' he said while spreading some of the stuff on a small sheet of glass and studying it, 'it's just I have an idea what might have caused this… Did you run across it in the corridor near my classroom?'

She nodded.

'I see.' He added a drop from a small green vial to the glass and put it under a funny looking instrument on his desk. In spite of her situation, Minerva was watching him with interest. She never had the change to watch him at work in his lab. He bend down and peered through the lens.

'It's a microscope,' he said as if he had heard her think. 'A most useful Muggle invention, spells can tell you a lot when something goes wrong but this thing actually shows it... there's a lot of Muggle chemistry involved in Potion's making, I've discovered…' he studied the plate while turning a small wheel. 'I see, it's much like I thought, only I don't quite understand why it affected you in this way…, but then…'

He lifted his face from the microscope and watched her. 'Have you met other cats while sliding through this stuff?' She nodded.

'And have you ingested it?' Another nod.

'I see. That might just be the clue we're looking for.' He put the microscope aside and began searching the shelves.

'You are in a right mess!' he informed her. 'But you're not beyond help. It's a bit complicated, though and it needs an hour or two to work…' he studied the shelves and picked a few vials and jars. 'Right, that should do it. Were you in your human form, I wouldn't dare to remind you that it's very unwise to lick up anything you might find near the Potions classroom, even more so when your own students have been around.' He had put the rest of the goo from her paw in a small bowl and began to add a drop from this and a spoonful of that.

'Glare as much as you like, but it's a fact this is the result of a vermin repellent Pomona asked me to brew for her greenhouses, botched up by Messrs Potter and Weasley, while having an argument with Miss Park. I believe it was about Mr Malfoy's personality. I made them clean up their mess with toothbrushes since it was the last hour of the day but I see now it was a mistake to have Filch supervise them. He obviously forgot to check their robes and boots.'

He stirred the contents of the bowl, and checked the result under his microscope.

'I think this is it. I'd rather have you stay in my room with me Minerva, I am not sure how this cure works out.' And again he scooped her up and carried her to his quarters, where he went straight to his small kitchen, put her in the sink and opened the tap. 'Wash your feet very thoroughly, make sure not to ingest to much of the dirt and try to drink lots of water, ' he ordered her. The tap produced a slow stream and she washed all her feet and soon cat-Minerva began to enjoy herself again, playing with the water stream, licking it up and chasing the drops that flew around. She didn't notice how Severus stood aside and watched her have fun, a smile on his face. When he was certain she was thoroughly cleaned, he brought a towel.

'Enough of that, kitty. Time for your medicine, I don't have all night.'

He scooped her up in the towel, she growled but had to admit it felt nice. Then he put her on the floor in his living room and presented her the bowl.

'Lap that up Minerva. I had to make sure most of the vile stuff was gone from your person. Now, as I expect the result may take some hours, what say you to a game of chess?'

'Mrrr.'

'I take that as a yes,' Severus said and set up the chess board on the hearth rug, enlarging it so she could handle the pieces more easily. Severus watched her with scholarly interest. She played a good game of chess like he knew she did , but every now and then she couldn't resist the urge to play with beaten pieces and chase them around the room, like a cat would.

After an hour and a half she began to whimper and curled up on the rug. Severus suddenly remembered the painful change of werewolves and silently scolded himself for not having thought about that, but he was spared that dreadful view.

The small cat disappeared in a grey cloud, a kind of whirlwind made it drift away and then on his hearthrug lay professor McGonagall, albeit dishevelled. Her shoes and robes were missing, she wore only a dark Victorian style dress and her hair had escaped the bun and waved free. He jumped and kneeled down beside her, checking her over.

'Minerva! Are you alright? Are you back again? Say something!'

'I am fine Severus….I think,' she whispered.

'Are you in pain? I never thought about that and I brew the werewolf's draught! I'm so sorry Minerva, are you hurt? Are you alright?' He stood and helped her up and in his wingchair. 'Are you comfortable? Are you hurt at all? Do you need anything?'

She smiled at him.

'No Severus, I am not in pain and I think I am perfectly alright again. Thank you for helping me. And I do not actually need anything, but I'd like to have one of those Friday evening coffees of yours. You know.'

Being the Potions mater he insisted on checking her pulse, blood pressure and eyes before giving her anything else but water, but she appeared to be fine.

-o-o-o-o-

**A/N just one more after this, I think. **


	3. Chapter 3

Why am I not surprised chapter 3

**A/N Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Last chapter here. I believe I haven't mentioned it yet, but I don't own any of this characters…just so you know. **

-o-o-o-o-o-

Now that he was sure his colleague was alright, Severus felt a bit ashamed about his earlier lack of cool.

Minerva noticed and she just smiled to herself. She always knew he cared deeply about her, even if he never said so. In his position it was safer to leave such feelings unspoken. But actions like his behaviour when he thought he might have caused her pain spoke more clearly than words. And she, too, considered the grumpy Potions master a dear friend.

So when he returned to teasing her she knew hew was relieved.

'I hope you don't think we'll abandon the chessboard after this interruption,' he told her while serving her the coffee she asked for. 'I was about to win.'

'I wouldn't dream of it. But where have all the pieces gone? Ah…..' a pretty blush coloured her cheeks; she obviously knew the answer.

'You chased them under various pieces of furniture,' he nodded and then smiled at her.

'Minerva, what on earth were you doing, running like that through the dark dungeons of this castle where the evil Potions Master lurks? Has something happened, bad news or so?'

'Mmm, no, nothing like that. This coffee is very good,' she tried to evade, but it didn't work.

'Don't tell me you were chasing mice,' he smirked.

'And what if I were? It's a great stress relieve. You should try it too, you know, too bad you're not an Animagus. We could have fun together.'

'Assuming my Animagus form would be a cat, it might well be a snake or a crow,' he reminded her. 'Or a mouse.'

'Even then, think about how we'd be able to scare Mrs Norris!'

'Minerva, do you know you are hissing and flexing your fingers when you think of her?'

'I do not.'

'Yes you do. And you might have a point. Do you think you could you train me? It might be useful.'

She smiled at him and he raised an eyebrow.

'Of course, only as long as you remember not to lick floors in any areas where your clumsy students have been. A repeated performance of last night's events with us both in animal form is not something I want to think about.'

'We'll start tomorrow after lunch,' she said, eyes dancing.

'Good night, Severus!'

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**THE END**

**A/N Thank you for staying with me. Shall we proceed with the lessons? Let me know, x george**


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